Here is a little story I wrote when I was a junior in high school in 2009. It’s one part hilarious, two parts relevant, and many parts facetious.
I thought that this would be something funny to write about. So here are my ten rules of gaming.
Rule number one-
We do not talk about gaming… to attractive women. Gaming, while it may be the ultimate form of entertainment, is also the ultimate lady repellent.
Fight club ref. Solid start.
Rule number two-
The noob is a subgenre of human that is the scum of civilization and deserves to be crushed in all situations.
Amen, little me.
Rule number three-
Any gun that is cool and/or useful in a first person shooter is not to be used EVER in online play. Those who use such weapons are dirty nooblets and will be trolled. such weapons include, but are not limited to:
the noob tube (CoD)
the sword (halo)
the sniper rifle (any fps)
the chainsaw feature (Gears)
Rule number four-
Screen-watching results in nut-punching. Don’t do it.
Rule number five-
If you can’t tell me what any of these abbreviations mean, you need to gtfo:
Rule number six-
Just as being social requires consuming copious amounts of alcohol, gaming requires consuming large amounts of mountain dew and sometimes energy drinks or dr pepper.
Rule number seven-
The C stick is not a valid instrument in super smash. This is the most sacred rule of gaming. Violations of Rule seven result in severe punishment.
Rule number eight-
Trolling is not cool. It is off-limits unless trolling a noob or a troll.
Rule number nine-
Anyone who humps people they kill in Halo is an 11-year-old nooblet vagina.
Rule number ten-
Achievement gamers are NOT real gamers. Achievements are cool but real gamers game for the experience, not for the experience points.
And that’s my list of the ten rules of gaming.
Gatekeeping little shit.